QUIZ: Are You A Trail Runner?

Which would you prefer to run:

  1. The Boston Marathon in under 3 hours (-1)
  2. The Pike's Peak Marathon in under 5 hours (+1)
  3. The Hardrock Hundred, and you don't care about the time (+2)
  4. A 50k with no T-shirt - it's just a training run (+3)
  5. It doesn't have a name, you don't have a number, you hope you'll be back by next week, but you're not particular (+3)

Your condition when you return from your regular run:

  1. Sweating (-1)
  2. Bleeding (+1)
  3. Your blood has thickened from extended exposure to altitude (+2)
  4. Blood? Like you have any left? (+3)

Running attire:

  1. You don't need bleach to keep your socks and T-shirts white (-1)
  2. All your running socks are tobacco brown (+1)
  3. Your children empty your socks and pan for gold (+2)

Conditions on the run:

  1. You've fallen and scraped your knee on the sidewalk (-1)
  2. You've gotten dirt in your mouth or up your nose (+1)
  3. You don't fall. If you did, you'd be dead (+2)

Distance:

  1. Three miles a day is enough for anybody (-1)
  2. You've detoured in a race to top a peak or see what's over the next ridge (+1)
  3. You've detoured to see what's over the next mountain range (+2)
  4. You've crossed three or more county lines during one run (+3)

Timing your runs:

  1. You time your workouts (-1)
  2. You record your times (-1)
  3. You don't. The extra weight of the calendar is a nuisance (+2)

Running vs. work:

  1. You can get in your run at lunch (-1)
  2. You have missed a meeting at work because that loop was a little longer than you thought (+1)
  3. You have missed more than a day at work because that loop was a little longer than you thought (+2)
  4. You use your sick time for those mid-week mountain runs (+3)
  5. You use all your vacation time to travel to trail races (+4)

Running through hazards:

  1. You stubbed your toe once on a curb (-1)
  2. You have had to pull cactus thorns from your shoe or a yucca spine from your shin (+1)
  3. You don't bother pulling thorns or spines out unless they've still got a cactus or bush attached (+2)
  4. You don't bother to detach the rattlesnake from your body unless it's impeding your progress (+3)

How long it takes a pair of shoes to lose that "new" look:

  1. Two weeks (-1)
  2. Three days (0)
  3. One day (+1)
  4. When you take them out of the store for a test run (+2)
  5. You can't tell the color of your shoes after the test run (+3)

Directions:

  1. You have all four of your routes memorized (-1)
  2. You carry a topo map (+2)
  3. Who needs a map - you're prepared to bivouac (+3)
  4. You can live for a week on the contents of your fanny pack (+4)

Run duration:

  1. You rarely run more than 30 minutes (-1)
  2. You have gotten so lost that someone had to come looking for you (+1)
  3. No one really expects you back until next month (+2)

Weather and your favorite run:

  1. When it's raining, you run on your treadmill (-1)
  2. There are times you can't do your favorite run because of mud or high water (+1)
  3. There are times you can't do your favorite run because of falling rocks, wildfire, avalanche danger, or flash flood warnings (+2)
  4. There are times you go on your favorite run despite falling rocks, wildfire, avalanche danger, or flash flood warnings (+3)
  5. There are times you go on your favorite run because of falling rocks, wildfire, avalanche danger, or flash flood warnings (+4)

Peeing on the run:

  1. You look around for a gas station restroom (-1)
  2. You can pee anywhere you want on the run (+1)
  3. You can pee anywhere you want, and in fact must do so to mark and defend your territory from other trail animals (+2)

Score Yourself:

Are You An Ultra Runner?

When others talk about their PR in minutes and seconds and you discuss your in Days and hours – you are probably an ultra runner.

When you read an article about how the Navaho & Hope Indians caught game by running them until they overheated and dropped from exhaustion and thought it was plausible - you are probably an ultra runner.

When the temperature is 120 F and you believe it is still possible to run on pavement no less – you are probably an ultra runner.

If “Call of the Wild” was in a prominent spot on your bookshelf as a child – you are probably an ultra runner If you think Gu is a food group – you are probably an ultra runner.

If you can drink any concoction just for the fluid & salt value – you are probably an ultra runner.

If other runners are talking about changing to a speedy racing flat before the next race and you are talking about changing to a second pair of shoes “during the race” – you are probably an ultra runner.

If your girlfriends are talking about their first overnighter at a five star Resort with their new boyfriend and you are talking about your first all-nighter on the trail with your new boyfriend – you are probably an ultra runner.

If you are heading out of the house with your running gear on at noon and a headlamp is on your head – you are probably an ultra runner.

If your friends are beaming about finishing a race in under 24 minutes and you are beaming about finishing your race in under 24 hours – you are probably an ultra runner.

If you know what “beware of the chair” means – you are probably an ultra runner.

If you think that “Coulter’s Run” where he was stripped naked and then chased by Indians until he evaded them and found Yellowstone is perfectly plausible, not a myth– you are probably an ultra runner.